It's a boy!

On May 30th at 7:43AM, we welcomed Connor Dylan to our family. He's a beautiful baby boy.  An impressive 8lbs 6oz and 21" long.  He has a full head of black wavy hair, and dark, almost black, eyes. 

So what happened on his birthday?  I had been feeling tightness in my belly for almost a month, so I didn't really think anything of it anymore.  However, the morning of May 30th, around 4AM, something just didn't feel right.  I was so uncomfortable.  I couldn't sleep.  After being annoyed for a few hours and realizing sleep just wasn't going to happen, it slowly dawned on me that the tightness was getting stronger and happening in regular intervals.  But I couldn't possibly be in labor.  I was supposed to have lunch with a friend that day, and we had scheduled a c-section in two more days.  That's how a sleep deprived mind thinks.  Thanks to my handy iPhone app, I determined that the tightness was probably a contraction and that they were definitely about 5 minutes apart. 

Brilliant me, I lay there in bed trying to convince myself that this couldn't really be happening.

Around 5AM, hubby stirred and I told him that I might be in labor.  We called the Labor and Delivery ward at the hospital and they said come in "now".

Well, of course I had to shower first.  If I was going to have this baby today, I was going in fresh and clean.  I did skip the make-up, so at least I wasn't being too vain.  A quick, last photo of the "two" of us and we were out the door, suitcase in hand.

During our 15 minute drive to the hospital, the contractions got stronger.  I was still OK, but I did have to take some deep breaths.  When we arrived at the hospital, a nurse was walking toward me in  the lobby and asked if I was Denise.  Yes.  "Well, thank goodness.  We were getting worried that you weren't here yet."  Sheepish grin.  "I had to shower first..."

Quick elevator ride to L&D and within 15 minutes I was being hooked up to monitors and getting "checked."  No time to waste.  I was 7 cm dilated already.  WHAT???

Long story short - I arrived at the hospital a little after 6AM and Connor was born via c-section at 7:43AM. 

In a way, I'm happy it worked out this way.  I would have been so anxious if we have gone to through the scheduled c-section two days later.  As it happens, I had no time to panic.  I was prepped, brought to the OR, and before I knew it, hubby was by my side.  After some small chit chat with the doctors, I finally asked, "Are they going to start yet?" 

"Oh, they're already in.  Get your camera ready.  The baby will be out soon."  WHOA!  Before I knew it, hubby was snapping pictures of whatever was going on on the other side of the tarp blocking my view.  A few more seconds later, I heard the most beautiful sound in the world.  My baby crying.  Not a long WAAAAHHH like I expected, but a short yell.  Then a silence that was probably only a few seconds, but to me it felt like forever and I started to panic.  Then there was more crying.  Thank goodness.

After weighing him and checking on vitals, Connor was swaddled up and handed to my hubby.  Father and son together for the first time.  It was amazing - even from my upside-down view.  I didn't get to hold Connor right away, but that's OK.  I touched his beautiful little face and told him how much we loved him.

At that point, Connor was taken to the NICU for observation, and I had to be put back together.  The last time I went through this, I was in great pain.  I mean, yelling for drugs pain. This time, it was still incredibly uncomfortable as they were putting things back where they belong and patching me up, but all I cared about was that my son was here - and in a short while, he would be in my arms.

It's a new adventure for all of us.  There's nothing to prepare you for parenthood.  The feelings you experience looking at your child for the first time.  Reality sets in that in just a few short days, you will be sent home - and that's it.  You have a child to raise. 

Be as it may, at this moment, all I want to do is love my boy. 

To my dearest Dylan...

My dear baby girl, in a couple of weeks your little brother will be joining our family.  Not a day has gone by in the last year that I don't wish you were here.  How different things would be if we had been able to do something that would have helped you to stay with us.

We would have celebrated your first birthday and you'd probably be walking and talking by now.  I see other families on the street with their baby girls and my heart aches for you, my angel. 

As Connor gets ready to make his grand entrance to the world. we've been preparing for life with baby.   So many things we planned for last year, but stopped, we had to complete now. 

I actually had a baby shower.  So many caring friends who mourned with us last year, gathered this year to celebrate in anticipation of your little brother.  Friday was my last day at work.  I've officially started  my maternity leave.  Your memory still in everyone's hearts, but they look forward to a new life for this little family - one that will start with tears of happiness this time.  I want to do the same, but it's so very hard.  I don't want to let you go.

I look around at what would have been your room and see all the cute pink things now replaced with blues and greens.  Your little leopard shoes are now storage.  In their place on the shelf, a little bunny dressed in blue.  A little bit of you for your little brother.  You were my little bunny.  Connor will be year of the Dragon. 

Oh my Dylan, how much I wish you were here in my arms today.  How I wish there was something I could have done for you.  All I can do is believe that you know how much you are loved, and that you will always be remembered as our first child.  Our precious baby girl.

I love you.  Forever and always.