Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Loss

On Friday, February 15, my maternal grandmother passed away.  She would have been 91 on Feb 28.

I mourn the loss of my last grandparent.  My beloved grandfather passed in 1991.  He was 79 years old.  I had just finished my freshman year at SDSU, and came back that night to the devastating news.

My last memories of him are happy ones.  Hearing his voice tell me he loved me when I spoke for him for the last time on the phone.  And the last time I saw him was when he was waving goodbye to me from the window of his home as my parents drove us away after dinner that night.

Those are cherished memories.

With my grandmother, the feelings are a little different.  She had been in a nursing home for almost three years.  With each visit, we saw her quality of life diminish until her final days where she barely acknowledged our presence.  As my mom explained, grandma became very depressed.  Understandably, any new friends she made at the home, well, they passed.  We weren't able to see her as often as we would have liked.  Any colds in the family prevented us from visiting her in her delicate health.

Having a new son, her great grandson, in day care led to even more colds and mysterious viruses that prevented me from seeing her.  Fortunately, she did meet him several times.

During his first visit, he grabbed onto her hand and started smiling immediately.  I hadn't seen grandma smile in years, but she was beaming that day.  It was a beautiful moment, and I only wish there were more of them.  My boy just stared and smiled, and kept reaching for her hand.

My son will never remember his great-grandma, but I will make sure he knows her through pictures. We made sure to get a four generation picture at Christmas. 

With grandma's passing comes great relief within the family.  Sounds horrible, but I mean that she is finally at peace.  It was difficult seeing her deteriorate the last few months.  She lost interest in food, and ultimately, stopped eating completely in the final days of her life.  She went to sleep and never woke up.

My mother is an incredibly strong woman, and in this loss of her own mother, she only worries about me and how I am handling it.  I can't believe her.  Here I am worried about her.  My mother is my best friend.  I don't want to even humor the thought of losing her.

I hope now with grandma's passing that my mom can find peace and can breathe freely.  She was a dedicated daughter who did all she could for her mother, before and after grandma had to move to a nursing home because of health reasons.

A prayer for my grandmother:  Po Po, I hope that you have found peace and that you have reunited with your family in Heaven.  Please don't worry about us.  We are a strong family and will support each other in every way.  We mourn our loss, but we take comfort in knowing that your suffering has ended.  That you are once again running and laughing and enjoying 'life'. We love you and will miss you until we see each other again one day.

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