Tuesday, May 10, 2011

A final farewell

On Friday, May 7th, we got up before dawn and headed out to Turtle Hill.  For those who don't know it, it's a small park on the top of a hill in the Sunset District that overlooks San Francisco.  It was a very quiet morning.  No rush to get to work.  No traffic.  Just a quiet drive of a family of three together for the last time.

It was still dark, with the sun was slowly making its appearance.  Light enough for us to see, but still in need of a flashlight.

Under the tallest tree at the peak of the hill, we dug a deep hole.  In it we poured in the ashes of our beloved Dylan.  We also put in a small picture.  The last picture of the three of us, taken just three days before Dylan was born.  This was our final goodbye to our baby.

Though she was physically gone, one of the hardest things to do was to shovel that dirt over the ashes.   It's a moment we will never forget, but something very painful to remember.

I just want my baby girl back.  I want to go back to February 4th and hear the ultrasound technician say that everything is fine.  That we're having a healthy baby.

I want to be in that operating room again and hear Dylan take a deep breath and let out the loudest cry possible.  To have her in my arms.  To feed her for the first time.  To look into her eyes and know that she is my daughter to love and spoil like no other.

Reality is cruel.  I can only look upon pictures of my baby girl and wish she would have known how much love we had for her.

We love you Dylan Simone.  Mommy and Daddy love you so much.  You will never know...

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