I want my daughter back

There.  I've said it.  That is what is in my heart.  I want my Dylan back.

I want to go back to my 29th week of pregnancy.  During that exam the doctor would say that everything is going perfectly.  That Dylan's in perfect health.  We're going to have a beautiful baby girl soon.

Unfortunately, this is just a dream.  Dylan is gone.  She lives on in my memories and my heart now.  It's an unrealistic wish, but still I long for it.  I want her back.

I didn't know how much I would love her until the last few months.  She wasn't someone I could hold or talk to, but somehow while she was growing inside me, I fell in love with her, and then she was taken away from me before I could really meet her.  I never saw her look at me.  I never felt her tiny fingers wrap around mine.  I've never heard the sweet music of her cries. 

I would have shown her so much love.  Love only a mother can give. I understand now.  I understand what mothers feel for their children.  The unconditional love that one feels that can never be defined.  I understand.  When people say, "You will understand when you're a mother..." I can honestly say that I do understand now.

My heart is so broken.  I know that life goes on.  I have to live on.  But a part of me died when Dylan did.  I will heal in time, but I will never be whole...