Bubbles was very peaceful and for the first time in a while, he was breathing normally - not out of his mouth. Mom said he was getting more sensitive on the areas where his tumors were starting to show. He must have been in pain. Wrapped in a towel, my dad carried him to the car. For one more car ride, Bubbles enjoyed looking out the window at the passing cars. He used to love car rides.
When we got to the vet, I took Bubbles from my dad's arms and just broke down, right there on the sidewalk. He felt so light and just limp. I believe that he was ready.
We were only at the vet for about 30 minutes, but it was the most miserable time of our lives. I held Bubbles in my arms until the doctor came in. I put Bubbles on the table and the doctor did one last quick exam. He said the lymph nodes were swollen and there was cancer even in his mouth now - which is why he couldn't eat solids anymore. We all agreed it was the right time to let Bubbles sleep.
At this point, the doctor left the room to give us time to say our goodbyes to our baby boy. Many kisses on his little head, lots of 'I love yous', and of course, many tears. Then the doctor came back and took him. We didn't want to see it happen. The doctor had Bubbles in his arm at the doorway, and when he turned to face us to tell us something (I don't even remember what he said), our last image of Bubbles is of him looking at us, eyes looking from person to person in the room. And then he was taken out of the room. That is the last time we will ever see our little baby.
We stayed in the office for a few minutes after that. I was just bawling - and perhaps everyone in the hospital heard, but I didn't care. We knew that in the next few minutes, our Bubbles would not be in pain anymore. He would fall into a deep sleep. I picture in my head that he will wake up, suddenly full of energy. No more pain. He would be running around everywhere as he loved to do in life. He would be surrounded by his favorite toys and foods - and he would never be sick again. He would come check on our family every once in a while - making his rounds, as I like to call it. I know we'll be reunited again some day. I know my grandfather is taking care of him for us until we each get there. These thoughts comfort me.
We drove back to my parents place and already there was a huge void. The puppy pads were still laid out on the kitchen tile, his big basket of toys were under the side table, and his bed and blanket - empty. I realized that never again would I see him running to me with a giant stuffed soccer ball in his mouth anymore. I would never have him snuggle on me anymore. I will never hear him howl every time a firetruck siren blared down the street. Nothing anymore.
It's been a couple of hours now, and it's still hard to believe that I'm never going to see Bubbles again. He's really gone. My Bubbles is really gone.
This is one of my very last pictures of him, from yesterday.
Rest in peace my Bubble Baby. I miss you so much. I will always love you. Always.
July 7, 1991 - July 15, 2006
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