My parents brought Bubbles to the vet today - the regular doctor wasn't there, so another doctor performed some blood work and did two x-rays. My parents say she was very thorough - which was good, but she didn't bring good news.
Bubbles has cancer running almost throughout his little body. From his throat, through this spine, in and around his liver. He also has two tumors pushing into his leg muscles - which is what was causing his hind legs to not function well anymore. The diagnosis is final - he is dying. We maybe have a few weeks, but at the rate this cancer spread, I doubt he'll make it through this week.
The doctor didn't feel it was time to let him go yet - because his white cell count was still high, and he still has an appetite, and is basically still pretty alert. She said that if he stops eating, that means the tumor has grown to a point where it's uncomfortable for him to eat anymore - and that would be the time to bring him in. Also, if his stool becomes dark - that would mean internal bleeding - and it would also mean it's time.
I'm praying hard that he will just sleep on his own. He's not in any pain now, and when I saw him on Sunday, he just looked like he was just waiting... he looked so tired. I want my last memories of him in my head to be those of seeing him snuggle with me the way he loves to. He buries his head into me and then looks up at me - tongue lapping to indicate that he wants a kiss. That is my Bubbles. That will always be my Bubbles.
My head knows the time is near, but my heart is not ready for it. I love him so much. I want to go see him right now, but I just can't. My parents are heartbroken - and I know it just kills them to see him like this every day. My mom hasn't slept in a month. Waking up every 2 hours to check on him. I think for them, even though they don't want him to suffer, they'd rather sacrifice their own health for his - but he'd still be there, you know?
All the happy memories I've had with him keep playing in my head. That is what will keep him alive in me. In my memories, he's a young, vibrant little dog - one I could easily get into a frenzy and make him run at full speed through the house. One who would sit and watch me intently if he even suspected I was eating something - because he wanted some too. It didn't matter what it was. Something that he always enjoyed and that of all our animals I only allowed him to do - I would get down on all fours, and he would jump on my back and lay down - then I would crawl all over the house with him on my back. He loved it - and that was a private game I reserved only for him. Another thing he used to do when I lived at home, every night, he would make his rounds - check on my parents in their room, and then come check on me to make sure everything was alright. He was a hot headed, spoiled brat too, but he loved us.
This is my last picture of him from Sunday. He couldn't get up anymore, so he just lay with me on the floor. Every once in a while he would look up at me.
So, a prayer for my Bubbles, please just rest and sleep. We all love you, and we know you love us. You don't have to worry about us or feel you have to protect us anymore. Just be at peace. Sleep in peace my Bubble baby.
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